No Reservations

I think it's safe to say you took the long way.
But knowing you, you wouldn't have it any other way.
Now Florida's all your own
and you're reaping what you've sown,
despite the rough seasons that took you there.
Your demons don't have a thing on your smile
and you've learned to take an inch when you can take a country mile.
At day's end you know it's best.
As I write I picture you on the beach,
sitting in your shorts and taking in the breeze
before you go home to your girlfriend. 
For as much that's changed you're still the same,
so you might not care for the words but the sentiment will be heard,
and with that I better get on with it.
I wouldn't be who I am without who you are,
and if you never came around there's no way I get this far.
I couldn't make this up.
But maybe you already know,
'cause the last time through we both seemed to make sure how you'd go
before you made it out the door.
You shouldered your things and opened your arms.
I did the same knowing how long you might be gone.
So we sent each other off with that hug.
No reservations
between brothers worlds apart.

Another

I can tell you now that you're gone:
I miss your eyes and their song
and the way your lips would smile just as big
as your arms wrapped my arms and we took each other in
to that night on repeat through those weeks
that passed with neither of us knowing we'd never be the same.
And I wonder
if you think that too, or if it's just me,
because I know you've found others since
and I know the newest one's been around a while.
And I wonder
if he'll save the summer heat for the coming cold,
if it'll be enough for you or if you'll tell him to go.
And me, being long gone, I don't know why I care.
I'm not even at the edge of any of your affairs.
I'm not even holding on, you're just hanging in my heart.
And I can't resist digging up old bones even knowing what's in store.

Growing Pains?

Youthfulness, exuberance; gone by the way side.
A little more serious eyes, a little less half smiles.
Still snappy sharp movements like you're talking with your body.
But you traded in the naivety, for calmness practiced thoroughly.
Do you miss who you used to be, do you like who you are?
What's it like being in the light and how often do you feel you're in the dark?
Are there answers all the time, do you ever settle for nothing?
Do you take your time knowing it will come, do you leave to find something?
Tell me what it's like, I stay up too late trying.
Say it's not because I'm too shy and so I'm confident you're not lying.
You don't have much more but extra years, a lot more dawns to dusk.
I know you tried keeping busy then cause wasting time aint bad luck.
Is there another trick to falling asleep than pretending your eyes are pillows?
I gave that one away and likely in vain and now I can't catch the throws,
the twists and turns take too much and even the dreams come to shake.
When I wake up I'm in a panic like I'm dreaming but there's more at stake
cause it aint no dream and the simple easy slips out of my hands
and I end up sleeping through the day when I have the chance to change.
So is it getting used to being me or should I be looking elsewhere entirely?
Cause the night never tells me, never says a word,
and I'm out here getting cold by I fire I don't know how much longer I can keep from dying.

Apparently,

it's been a long time
since I felt like I was going anywhere.
There's a wrong kind of everything,
and this is steady in the same rocky chair.
It's been a long time
since I been off this beaten path.
I always know the roads,
so you do the math:
repetition added to love
and subtracted from each other,
carried over themselves, the product,
arms come up but eyes can't look,
and limbs are growing tired.
Some will collapse and some will get back
to where they started.
If I'm lucky,
mine will make it out as they were. 

Please Let Me Go

Do you feel the skin snake off your body?
Do you feel your spine shiver like the wind?
Do you see the words dribble out the pen
like the mistakes you knew were wrong,
but couldn't help but make?
Have you been to the mirror lately?
Have you seen the worry spot worn along your jaw?
What's with the whimper under your breath?
What else do you have in common with the dogs?
I know the heavy breathing hurts.
I know your eyes and heart want out your head and chest.
I know you can't bear the pressure in your bones,
that you keep on squeezing but you can't get a grip.
And I don't know what to tell you.
When it's up to me I sleep.
But it always never really works,
cause when my waking hours don't get what they need they take my dreams.
And answers aren't hard to come by,
because they don't exist.
The healthy thing to do
would be to leave entirely,
because sometimes there's maturity in seeing what's broken
and leaving it unfixed.
So let me go.
Let me go let
me go let me
go let me go
please just let me go.

Months Ago

The girl in front of me sent a text:
"Grrrr...wish u were here."
Must have been reading my mind,
sending it your way next.
I don't have pictures to hold or lament,
but I got images of smiles inside my head.
I gotta roll my eyes to the back to see them,
when I do it's no wonder I look dead.
Every time, I'm caught in a thousand yard stare.
"This time's the last," every time I swear.
Like how I felt you in my bones before we met,
I've felt it ever since you left
"Wish u here here,"
postmarked yesterday, couldn't be clearer.

Need To Get Closer

Some are already falling,
I couldn't tell if it was leaves
or birds filing across the street,
just like I couldn't tell
if you were flying low or crashing dead.
It got clearer the same way:
I got closer and only one thought stayed.
There was less a fight this time.

Oddly enough, I felt good this time last year. Better.
I was smart as I'd ever been.
The summer's heat meant winter's ice was thin.
And when it finally broke I was swimming
in all tomorrow's promise and today's shining.
But that's not the case now.

Though a time that's sure to pass,
I might have too much to get back.
You're not here and took all the feeling with you.
My family's going, gone; and there goes the other shoe.

Replacements aren't made so much as found.
And this time of year the earlier it is,
the earlier the sun goes down.
The night gets long like it gets dark.
I never did see well here,
so forgive me if I don't make it to my alarm.