"...regardless of circumstance"

I've wanted to write this for a long time. I'm still not entirely confident with how it came out. I feel I could say more or say it better (preferably the latter). Regardless, it's how the entire relationship with this person has gone the whole time -- I've always thought it could have had more clarity at a given moment. It hasn't, and neither does this, so I guess it makes some sense afterall.

"...regardless of circumstance"

I was sipping at a Pepsi when my cool had barely left me,
I can't help but think about all you've said.
If I told you I was looking for my second wind would you give me back my first
and call it quits on all of this?
Or would you be you and continue on
with all the only now and discard the way back when and how? (Make it for not.)
Probably the latter and I've never been able to express how I get madder each time you show you're completely oblivious --
If not for Then and How I wouldn't be writing this right now,
we would have never become friends and I wouldn't have to bother with feeling short-changed when "our" nights end.

You buck blending times, they pass through a sieve and make separate minds, I feel as though I don't know you anymore.
The only things I can remember of you are all the things you say I should forget.

You haven't realized this yet.

I might as well start a pool for bets on the day we stop catching up again. It'll be in-ground and modest so no one will drown; I just hope you make it in before the fence goes up. I'll throw in a blowup shark where the irony will go to the fin, you won't see it coming as I'm going for a dip.

I've got this headache that's a drip.

Consider this a migraine, it goes for days at a time.
I'll go without aspirin, sometimes I think I'd rather lose my mind.

I wonder what we won't say this time.

I'm so tired of this thing, whatever it is, I'm so tired of this.