This Thing Goes Forever: May 2009

Medallion

I just got done spitting something out like two minutes ago. It all started by looking at a picture in my room. Here it is.

Medallion

600+ faces melt into one of this town
Down and out, it's only 50% at best now
A simple bout when you throw in the towel
To never again be here full time is a simple vowel

A medallion, maybe 8x6, is the most proof I've got
48 months squeezed between a bunch of grass and trees at a resort
4 to 8 months more and all those memories are a last resort
Used on a day caught between walls, exchanged for life support

Buoy up after bobbing down
Catch your breath, head on out
The front door's been waiting and your thoughts: disintegrating
So just get out before you see it all disappear

Here's some sticky tac so you can stick to the path
It'll defend you from a sick attack by that sycophant Grass
He wants to play you, stain your knees
But you know that's not you now; you know that's silly-- you wear jeans

Traffic Jam

I just wrote this. None of what I've written lately (outside of the first line or so) has come out as anything more than a stream of consciousness. I don't know, maybe I'm trying too hard to do otherwise and what I churn out is my mind's way to spite me. Regardless, here it is.

Traffic jam in my head
But it's got the green light.
There's always that one guy--
Don't know how he got to the front of the line--
Where, to him, waiting is going.

He's holding everyone up
The rest are getting constrained,
And now engines are blowing.
Piston's pumped, skewed to the left; bearings everywhere
Drivers still sitting calm.

But soon they'll have to get out and walk,
Or they'll be stuck there forever
My merit always skips; I blame the ignition
It was stupid to buy on a payment plan
Each time thought climbs in I'm charged a grand

That's right, a contracted commission
Each time, a belligerent plan out the window
One less soldier, but what good's an arrow without a bow?
This traffic's getting out of hand
Time to take to guerilla, to go defend, defeat day's trend and move to the end

So, until then.

Conditional

(originally posted Thursday, April 23, 2009 at 1:01am)

I've Done Better

Like a tree's leaves following Autumn's color code
Out of sync, out of sun, out of luck, it was a good run
In: the worst stage of survival mode
Not quite out: proving new true colors on the way to hit-the-ground fun

I like the way sand always holds your hand
I like the way the color pulls up lame but never bland
I like the memories we'll never have
And how the colors you've never shown let my memory make things grand

This past Fall was your Fall it's my flaw but from what I saw
I can't really put it on you unless your middle name is cement (because that's what broke the silence as I came down)
Remarks never relent and they can be re-lent but only without the pestilence
Carelessness, forgetfulness incite decadence before that anyway.

Treat Me Like Someone Else: where a tire swing's no simple thing
Where the Spirit's alive each time I make the drive
Where memory is everything because it stings to realize we've got no future (in common)
I'm cutting out the vestigial because I won't and don't feel it anyway, so get me the scalpel but forget the sutures (I'll be alright even if I start hobbling).

I Wish I Knew You Better

My problem with writing lately has been being able to get things to fall out of my head. I've got plenty to say, I just don't know how to get it to the paper. The end result is something I'm still ok with, something I still enjoy, but something that didn't necessarily start with an entirely original idea of my own. This one was different though.

(originally posted Monday, March 30, 2009 at 12:55am)

I Wish I Knew You Better

These homonyms and homophones present the present tense
Along with a mind vacated by an emptiness that doesn't even pay rent
Mutual "heys" but a not so mutual haze
And before it gets to long distance dissent it'll fade
Just as the memories in their heads sit in beautiful mental frames (one of a kind)
As they're covered in dust from the words they said
All the while remembering it like your worst memory
Dawn subsides to day as names become just names
And as they do, turn to the sink
Turn it on, let the water run over your hands
Denounce defeat, rinse, repeat
Rinse and repeat

For Leo, If Anyone

(originally posted Wednesday, March 25, 2009 at 12:52am)

For Leo, If Anyone

So it's been a couple days since I started to put two and two and you together. Now it's on paper, makes it official, proper, planned out, time to phase out sounds in my head. This is not hot air, but a cold unwelcome wind, that's found a spot to blend in, (where) no one mind's the same as mine at least not yours. We shine in each other's eyes but you're wearing sunglasses as I'm going blind. Even with no sight I('m able to) view you in real time, I know your type. All-in I bet. That sounds harsh; condescending and to assholery lending but don't worry it's not malicious nor vicious, (in fact) it's pseudo visceral at best. I'm just angry at myself, at this invisible mess, and I only want to beseech you to befriend me. Accommodate this, make it easy. Er, confusion, delusion, co-fusion, dilution, this can't be coming through clearly. Look-- I've put myself together backwards and just need you to turn me around.

Cast: (in order of appearance)

I posted a couple things on facebook over the course of the last few months. I'm going to re-post them here in the order I initially wrote them.

(originally posted Friday, December 19, 2008 at 1:06am )

Nausea

inspiration can be dashed so quickly
so quick it's quicker than it hit me
forgive forgery you're unaware of
fallout, turnabout, it's all for the best
what's being young without being reckless?
like a picture hung, but still so young

from a nail in the wall i'm having a ball
i've been framed not feigned and you'd think i'd be ok with that
but i'm without vision or self provision while vagrant and valiant
it's a talent i balance, this tumultuous valice
maybe it's just in my head
yeah, it's just in my head

oh what an understatement to discount my mental haven
after all it's all i've got
come next fall you'll still only be a call
there's nothing wrong with that but you'll still be nomadic
just like today and with today, well, quite frankly, i've had it
it's a nod and a sigh but don't get me wrong this isn't goodbye

flash back to now
for a second i got out and i did make up some ground
so maybe i'll go lay down
slip into sleep and get off my feet
it's been a long day, my mind's exhausted
i can't quite feel my heart's pace and I don't know what's caused it

when i wake up i'll again have lost what little grip i gained
when i wake up again it'll all revert back to today